And Another Thing . . . Remembering a Friend
“Friends,” Tony Campolo once said, “are people with whom
you share your heresies.”
It is an exhilarating surprise to find yourself in a
place where you don’t have to be careful; where you feel safe enough to say
scary things. In a world where everyone is taught to play it safe, a friend is
someone with whom to share the dangerous edges of life. To modify Shakespeare’s
Lear, with a friend you can “speak what you feel, not what you ought to say.”
This kind of friendship is hard to find. It is a rare
sort of alchemy that can coalesce a climate of freedom and emotional security with
an intellectual curiosity and acceptance. In this mix, great things can happen. And,
even if they don’t, everyone laughs and has a good time. I have been blessed to
have a few of these rare creatures inhabit my life. One such person was Gary Rowe.
Gary’s birthday was October 9. He died last year, two weeks
after turning 55. He has been missed. So today, a few of us got together and
celebrated his life without the privilege of his presence. We met for lunch (since
Gary was a foodie, this seemed appropriate). Gary was a wise and avid learner
who never lost interest in his world, while also remaining a big fan of “The
Three Stooges” and Groucho Marx. He had the rare ability to give helpful advice
and poke fun at you at the same time. He was an enormous smart . . . aleck, and a genuine friend.
I am grateful to have known him.
But I believe I had some help with that.
Acts 17:26 says, “. . . and he determined the times set
for them and the exact places where they should live.”
C. S. Lewis writes,
“.
. . we think we have chosen our peers. In reality, a few years' difference in
the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of
one university instead of another, posting to different regiments, the accident
of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting—any of these chances
might have kept us apart. But for a Christian, there are, strictly
speaking, no chances. A secret Master of
the Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye
have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group
of Christian friends, "You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen
you for one another."
The
Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one
another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of
all the others. They are no greater than the beauties of a thousand other men;
by Friendship, God opens our eyes to them. They are, like all beauties, derived
from Him—and then, in a good Friendship, increased by Him through the
Friendship itself so that it is His instrument for creating as well as for
revealing. At this feast, it is He who has spread the board and it is He who
has chosen the guests. It is He, we may dare to hope, who sometimes does, and
always should, preside. Let us not reckon without our Host.
Jesus said, “I have called you friends.” I want to say
thank you.
Friendship is another one of God’s great ideas. I am glad
that God pulled Gary and Rich and Tommy and David and Greg and Robby and Tim
and Dan and Kent and Bill and Paul and . . . (you get the idea) into my life. Not
to mention Kim and Kelsey and Kaleigh and Noah, and, oh, Mom and Dad and Sue
and Sherri and . . . (once again, you
get the idea). God has brought amazing people into my “times” and “places.”
He is good.
And that is all I have to say about that . . . for now.
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